I dont know

why are you not blogging? why are you in office so late? why have you lost weight? when are you getting married? when is the big day? why are you not coming out? are you saving money? have you become vegetarian? when are you going to bombay? are you moving to california? why are you working on weekends? are you doing your practices? when is tony coming? no photos on IDP? why are you not blogging?

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. Someone I know attempted suicide a few days ago. Over a job. Painful shortsightedness.

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. I'm going to California for 2 weeks in early September. Exciting, a whole new life is about to begin.

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. Halfway through Jack Kerouac's Dharma Bums. Rollercoaster ride of Buddhism and beat poetry, hitch-hiking and California and stream of consciousness rambling.

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. Feeling fevering, and touched my neck to check, and felt my pulse. The steady, rhythmic beat. The silent mechanism of life that goes on. I'm grateful to be alive.

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. Saw Public Enemies. Loved it. Playing ridiculous facebook games like Mafia Wars in a retarded way.

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. I've noticed my attitude towards cigarettes is getting more and more intolerant. It annoys me and hurts me when my friends smoke. I can't stop them, but I dont want to be around people who smoke. Seems to me like it's an act of great disrespect towards life. If suicide is such a terrible act and a crime even, so is suicide in installments.

time and space

what is this void

what is this rubberband

what is this that slips so fast

with skipping heartbeats

what is this that doesn't move

a thing. an inch. a minute.

time means nothing

so slow

and so fast

space is pointless

so close and yet so far

i give up

swallow me down

incomprehension.

Kahani Mein Twist Zaroor Aayegi

Filmy expression. Kahani mein twist. 'Twist in the tale.' A phrase that I've said to myself over and over again, with acute disbelief at the twists that have presented themselves to me over the past year. Exactly a year since my life went upside down and, well, I can't really say that I expected any of it to turn out the way it did.

A year of being sober. And aside from maybe two times that I've really felt the urge to sip wine, a whole year of loving being sober. And not missing being tipsy one bit.

I didn't ever think it would be this easy. And, funnily enough, I've enjoyed going out when my friends are drinking, it's very amusing, to say the least, to watch people get drunk and be ridiculous.

A year of Sadhguru. And Isha. Presented to me with impeccable timing, easily the most precious aspect of my life. The most meaningful, and something I hold closest to my heart. Being in his presence, has made me realise what it is possible for me to be and experience. Just the possibility is overwhelming.

A year of this immense feeling of gratitude, clarity, joy and living the moment. A feeling of knowing that whatever life throws, is my own doing, and I can make whatever I want out of it. A feeling of absolute awe about how things turn out, a way of looking over the hurdle to see beyond, a way of not being trapped in momentary pleasures and pains.

Extremely precious.

A year of deepened relationships. A year of touching lives around me in ways I've never before. A year of listening to things I wouldn't have otherwise. Of seeing things I wouldn't have noticed otherwise. A year of saying things I wouldn't have dreamed of.

A year of gifts. Of twists. And knowing that the twists will come. Unexpected. Surprizing. But knowing that they can't shake me.

Random Updates, and welcome back.

Such a long time. More twists in the story. Trying to get back into the groove of writing regularly, hopefully, should be easy once I get started. Right? Some random updates -

1. I'm getting married. Soon. 6 months-ish.

2. It's not raining enough. It's July, and doesn't even feel like the monsoon.

3. I've been staying up late at nights - reading the 7th Potter book, and woke up in the middle of the night, seeing figures and dreaming of horcruxes. Dark dark dark.

4. Sadhguru is going to be in Hyderabad on Sunday. Can't wait.

5. I'm getting married. And, that, is definitely crazy.

Sneak Peak

Sneak peak she says.

Yesterday, I was atop Bhongir Fort (for the dozenth time probably) and I got a feeling that it was someone's birthday. Couldn't remember though.

Today, logged onto twitter after days and saw Dooce's sneak peak image. http://twitpic.com/7f49x

It's her baby.

I've been following her blog for years, and the knowledge that her baby is finally born made my heart skip a little beat.

And it skips again now, thinking of how the internet has given me/us such a way. To sneak peak. At someone else's life, someone I'll never meet. A complete stranger. But not really.

And I crown you..... Princess Zora

Geez, I wanted to have more than 200 posts this year too. And its almost the end of May and our count is a pathetic 50. Sheesh. SHEESH.

Anyway, whats really inspiring this possible spate of blogposts is something I remembered in the middle of the day, a memory of a deeply imprinted and very beloved movie (actually movies) that we used to watch in the summer vacations many, many years ago.

The one single TV channel we had, at that time, had something called Disney Hour, at noon everyday, and for ages, as far as I remember, they screened the loveliest children's shows and movies - I clearly remember He-Man, Lauren and Hardy, Charlie Chaplin, something I remember as 'telegames', and then series of movies - The Frog Prince, Hansel and Gretel, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, The Beauty and the beast, and oh boy, some of these movies have been stuck somewhere in my head, and my mind in a vague way, all these years.

Mommy had recorded a couple of VHS cassettes and so, a few of these series were immortalized in our heads - watching them hundreds of times.

Today, I found - The Frog Prince. The whole goddamned movie is on YouTube! in 10 parts. Of course, I couldn't stop watching, and couldn't help the little hiccoughs of bliss and tears escape my throat at the appropriate parts. The songs! I sing them unconsciously sometimes! The characters and the dialogues and the tone and actions and dramatic gestures, all down to the way the Prince holds up the arm of Princess Zora when he walks her in, finally. The way she plays with her lucky golden ball, and well, oh boy, I could go on forever.

Yes, silly pieces from my childhood maybe, but excuse me now, while I call my sister and exclaim to her about what I found.

Er, how does this blogging business work?

Boy, its been a while. Can't remember the last time I had such a long break from ze blog. And I'm not sure what I'm about to say on zis post - but a few things have been taking my time and attention.

Working on the weekend - sort of turned the life a bit haywire, but in a nice way mostly - working on Saturday and Sunday is chill and lazy and slack, and then I get to take Tuesdays and Wednesdays off, which is a treat.

Moving apartments soon - moving in with some lovely friends, closer to office and far away from the noise and chaos of center Hyderabad.

Had a mini vacation last week. Gorgeous fun. Wonderful time. Trains and buses and jeeps and doggies and insects, and forests, and rivers and cameras and butterflies.

And well, something that's been on my mind for a while, and I've just not known how to say it - Anandha Ala - the wave of bliss has begun in Hyderabad. Inner Engineering programs across the city, back to back. I have a couple of links that I will share soon.

And that sums up this very tasteless blog update. Guess I need to have these fingers moving again. More often.

Global WARNING

Our gift to mother nature - global warming.

I've seen it all

Amazing amazing track. From a movie called Dancer in the Dark.

Bjork acts in the movie, and this song features Thom Yorke (from Radiohead.)

Couchsurfing! Day 1

Thanks to PS for his enthusiastic ranting about couchsurfing, I signed up a week ago and pretty much at once received my first request to host  - a Portuguese woman traveling in India for 2 months, and visiting Hyderabad, requested to be hosted for 2 nights.

With my flatmates away in Goa for the week, and the house to myself, how could I say no?

Filipa arrived Tuesday morning, and after a couple of hours of resting and talking and freshening up, I set her up and ready for a day of sight seeing. Armed with my trusty map of Hyderabad, a list of places to visit in the vicinity of the Charminar area, and vague but hopefully helpful instructions to survive in the city, I saw her board a local train heading to Nampally from Begumpet railway station and went back home to cater to my aching stomach and awaited the arrival of a friend visiting from Bombay. The Shammi himself.

I had some errands to run, and when I came back home, both my guests were home, sitting at the table, talking and chilling. I barged into the conversation - Filipa's day, some talk about yoga, and many, many travel stories.

Something that amused us a lot was Filipa's experience with the local folk. They would usually stop her and directly ask - where are you from?

When she said - Portugal, they'd just scratch their heads, and walk away, not knowing how to take the questioning further.

Some, however, would go on to ask 

- Are you married? 

- No.

- How old are you? 

and then exclaim that she should hurry and get married.

She experimented once - saying 

- Yes, I'm married. 

- Do you have children?

- No.

- Then why did you get married anyway?

No words.

While talkingnit started lightening and a fabulous thunderstorm began. The electricity went off. We sat on my 5th storey balcony, with the nice view, and looked over the sky, exclaiming and excited with the fierce cracks lighting up the sky and thundering down at us.

This went on for a bit, and then Filipa softly said that this was by far the most thunder and lightening she had ever seen in her life. 

It stopped in a couple of hours, and then we went out to dinner to my favourite take-my-guests-to restaurant - Angeethi. Filipa tried the risky jaljeera, and I picked us some great veg food. Shammi was trying to explain to Filipa who Amitabh Bachchan was, and translated the names of the many movie posters on the walls.

Roti, Kapda aur Makaan - food, clothing and shelter

Sharabi - Drunkard

Khoon Paseena - blood and sweat

and my favourite

Kaala Paththar - Black Stone.

Very filling dinner, and then Filipa exclaimed that the mouth freshener that most indian restaurants provide with the bill, saunf, is terrible. I added yes, it does taste like soap, and popped some in my mouth, while Filipa maintained the expression of how-can-you-eat-that-thing on her face. 

Then home and called it a night, with an agreement to laze in late the next morning, and the plan of action being limited to visiting the Hussain Sagar.

Peace

"When you do not know how to keep your body peaceful, when you do not know how to keep your mind peaceful, when you do not know how to keep your energies peaceful, world peace is just a joke."

_ Sadhguru

He conveys so easily something that is so strong, and will knock you on the head and make you wonder. 

Intimately Detached

holding hands

touching fingertips

tousling hair

letting be.

something intimate 

and special

natural

and free.

talking

telling

letting be.

rubbing noses

tickling toes

blowing kisses

saying bye

see you soon.

Half a dozen reasons

to celebrate:

1. My first ever couchsurfing guest is here. From Portugal. With a big yellow bag. 

2. It rained last night, the sky is pink and clean and fresh.. and it's a bit cool - I'm holding my breath and hoping it lasts.

3. I have two days off - today and tomorrow - I had worked the weekend, and my weekend is today.

4. I have a friend visiting from Bombay.

5. My big fat package from Lush is expected to arrive in 48 hours.

6. I have an earworm that I'm loving - Billy Joel's Piano Man, and I sing it very loudly. (which may or may not mean I sing it well.)

7. My flatmates are out of town, so we have the house to ourselves. 

Bonus reason to celebrate: My orange hair is looking fabulous now, I think. 

Definition: (wikipedia)

Earworm - is a term for a portion of a song or other musical material that repeats compulsively within one's mind, known colloquially as "music being stuck in one's head."

Yipes, they also say: Medications that are used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder or anxiety can alleviate the symptoms of earworms.

Son can you play me a memory.. I'm not really sure how it goes...

but its sad and its sweet, and I knew it complete,

when I wore a young man's clothes...

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