Somethings are just.. inevitable. Or are they?

Art

"People want to be bowled over by something special. Nine times out of ten you can forget, but that tenth time, that peak experience, is what people want. That's what can move the world. That's art."

Murakami

A situation where the book you are reading turns out to be...

Just begun a book that had attracted me about two and a half years ago maybe.

Haruki Murakami's South of the border, West of the sun.

Have wanted to read it forever. Browsed and read a few pages many times, but somehow didn't buy it until recently, and begun reading it today.

And 5 chapters into the book and I'm gone. Swept away and lost, demolished, devastated, enchanted, terrified.

I don't think I could have read the book the same way 2 years ago. The events since then, have changed so much in my life and the book seems to bear uncanny resemblance to some of those events.

Coincidence, timing, some closure to a circle, blah blah.

O Murakami. But ya, fairly likely that I'm just going nuts.

Remorse, maybe

I wish I didnt have to walk past you and pretend you didnt exist. Or that I didnt know you. Or that I didnt want to stop you and say -- something. Maybe nothing.

I wont say 'it was meant to be this way.' Just the play of karma. And karma is alive and breathing. And eating your every thought and action. Maybe every moment of consciousness is a chance to do it right.

Eyes wide open

Something has changed.

I've spent more time alone recently than I have in a few years. Practically living alone. Passing weekends without talking / meeting anyone. Not feeling like blogging. And when I try to write anything, the sentences are short, terse.

Hardly the flowing, ornate words I used to love spilling out. Suddenly I don't feel like I want to record or share the details about my life. Not because its private or anything, but more because I feel more and more self-conscious. Why would anyone care to read about what I did or saw or thought or am thinking?

Can't remember the last time I wrote a long email either. The rare ones I do write, seem like they've been written by someone else -- almost soulless and void of any sentiment. Strange, haggard.

Anyhow, but I do feel like writing a wee bit today.

Recently went to Bali -- nice weekend, nice beaches, and lots of sculpture on the streets and everywhere. Including penis shaped bottle openers in almost every 'touristy' shop. Pretty scandalous. I bought a bamboo xylophone, about 50 awesome DVDs and a dragon kite.

Today I was in a bookshop (Landmark is easily 20 times the size and collection of any Crossword) and I saw a book called Twitterature. About 50 or so of the world's classics told in 'twitter' style. I was slightly aghast, but what can I say. Penguin had published the book. I guess we're in the age where practically anyone can be a published author.

But what cheered me instantly was when I caught glimpse of a book, which I remember reading about on the authors blog. This blog called Waiter Rant (award-winning blog) is a collection of stories from this guy's experiences as a waiter in New York. I read his post about writing a book and then when it was published I remember thinking I would buy it someday, but I certainly didn't think I would see it staring out at me from a bookshelf in Hyderabad. Nice.

Happy New Year in advance. I doubt I'll post again before Jan, though I do intent to publish a new and with renewed determination -- New Year's Resolution list.

Reviews, and news

It's December? Wow.

Jim Morrison's Birthday today. Been listening to MJ though.

It was my day off today, I worked the weekend. So booked myself a ticket to a movie -- 1) coz it sounded interesting, and 2) coz I wanted to make sure I wouldn't stay at home all day and work from home. Was very surprised that the cinema was completely full. For a 2:30 afternoon show on a Tuesday afternoon at a Chinese-war-history movie!

Recently, watched a bunch of movies, well, as many as I can in Hyderabad, not a lot of movies come here. :(

1) Ninja Assassin -- very good.

2) Twilight -- much to the chagrin of the beloved, I saw it, liked it (have to admit its pretty cheesy, but what the hell, plenty of lame shit makes its way around).

3) Aajab prem ki galab kahani -- hadn't watched a Hindi movie in so long, and I really went with the intention of seeing a silly Hindi movie to have a good laugh. Unfortunately, it didn't even manage to live up to that very low expectation.

4) Red Cliff. Very very good. In the beginning I was a bit disappointed to hear the dubbed voices -- Indian voices on Chinese faces doesn't work. Would have certainly preferred subtitles. But whatever, excellent movie.

5) Oh, and before that-- This is It! Thoroughly enjoyed it and saw it 3 times, I think, in the cinema, was fun to be in a hallful of Jackson fans, cheering and screaming.

Also been reading and have purchased a stack of books -

1) After Dark -- Haruki Murakami. Nice. Quick. Surreal, as usual. But clean and so well written.

2) Cat's Cradle -- Kurt Vonnegut. Brilliant book. Comical, spiritual, totally weird.

On the pile --

1) The Graveyard Book -- Neil Gaiman. Award winning, new book. Supposed to be a children's story, but I love the guy.

2) Revolutionary Road -- Richard Yates. Had seen the movie, was fab, read a couple of pages and it seems like a must-read. Plus, someone wrote very highly about it a while back.

3) Twilight -- Let's see.

4) Witch Child -- Celia Rees. Just picked off the shelves. Story based in 1600s about the granddaughter of a witch.

Recent updates --

Fiance was in Hyderabad for 2 weeks. We went to Pune to meet the extended family and he had to deal with my grandmother trying to convert him to Zoroastrianism, and grumbling to him about how the price of onions was unbelievably high, and we did a mini-engagement ceremony again.

In other news --

It's cold. The whole city of Hyderabad seems to be wearing cheetah-printed fluffy ear muffs.

The fiance (back in California) says he can see snow on the mountains near the Googleplex office.

Unsaid --

I seem to see Isha in everything. All the movies and books, conversations, interactions, musings, and moments of nothingness.

I dont know

why are you not blogging? why are you in office so late? why have you lost weight? when are you getting married? when is the big day? why are you not coming out? are you saving money? have you become vegetarian? when are you going to bombay? are you moving to california? why are you working on weekends? are you doing your practices? when is tony coming? no photos on IDP? why are you not blogging?

-

. Someone I know attempted suicide a few days ago. Over a job. Painful shortsightedness.

.

. I'm going to California for 2 weeks in early September. Exciting, a whole new life is about to begin.

.

. Halfway through Jack Kerouac's Dharma Bums. Rollercoaster ride of Buddhism and beat poetry, hitch-hiking and California and stream of consciousness rambling.

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. Feeling fevering, and touched my neck to check, and felt my pulse. The steady, rhythmic beat. The silent mechanism of life that goes on. I'm grateful to be alive.

.

. Saw Public Enemies. Loved it. Playing ridiculous facebook games like Mafia Wars in a retarded way.

.

. I've noticed my attitude towards cigarettes is getting more and more intolerant. It annoys me and hurts me when my friends smoke. I can't stop them, but I dont want to be around people who smoke. Seems to me like it's an act of great disrespect towards life. If suicide is such a terrible act and a crime even, so is suicide in installments.

time and space

what is this void

what is this rubberband

what is this that slips so fast

with skipping heartbeats

what is this that doesn't move

a thing. an inch. a minute.

time means nothing

so slow

and so fast

space is pointless

so close and yet so far

i give up

swallow me down

incomprehension.

Kahani Mein Twist Zaroor Aayegi

Filmy expression. Kahani mein twist. 'Twist in the tale.' A phrase that I've said to myself over and over again, with acute disbelief at the twists that have presented themselves to me over the past year. Exactly a year since my life went upside down and, well, I can't really say that I expected any of it to turn out the way it did.

A year of being sober. And aside from maybe two times that I've really felt the urge to sip wine, a whole year of loving being sober. And not missing being tipsy one bit.

I didn't ever think it would be this easy. And, funnily enough, I've enjoyed going out when my friends are drinking, it's very amusing, to say the least, to watch people get drunk and be ridiculous.

A year of Sadhguru. And Isha. Presented to me with impeccable timing, easily the most precious aspect of my life. The most meaningful, and something I hold closest to my heart. Being in his presence, has made me realise what it is possible for me to be and experience. Just the possibility is overwhelming.

A year of this immense feeling of gratitude, clarity, joy and living the moment. A feeling of knowing that whatever life throws, is my own doing, and I can make whatever I want out of it. A feeling of absolute awe about how things turn out, a way of looking over the hurdle to see beyond, a way of not being trapped in momentary pleasures and pains.

Extremely precious.

A year of deepened relationships. A year of touching lives around me in ways I've never before. A year of listening to things I wouldn't have otherwise. Of seeing things I wouldn't have noticed otherwise. A year of saying things I wouldn't have dreamed of.

A year of gifts. Of twists. And knowing that the twists will come. Unexpected. Surprizing. But knowing that they can't shake me.

Random Updates, and welcome back.

Such a long time. More twists in the story. Trying to get back into the groove of writing regularly, hopefully, should be easy once I get started. Right? Some random updates -

1. I'm getting married. Soon. 6 months-ish.

2. It's not raining enough. It's July, and doesn't even feel like the monsoon.

3. I've been staying up late at nights - reading the 7th Potter book, and woke up in the middle of the night, seeing figures and dreaming of horcruxes. Dark dark dark.

4. Sadhguru is going to be in Hyderabad on Sunday. Can't wait.

5. I'm getting married. And, that, is definitely crazy.

Sneak Peak

Sneak peak she says.

Yesterday, I was atop Bhongir Fort (for the dozenth time probably) and I got a feeling that it was someone's birthday. Couldn't remember though.

Today, logged onto twitter after days and saw Dooce's sneak peak image. http://twitpic.com/7f49x

It's her baby.

I've been following her blog for years, and the knowledge that her baby is finally born made my heart skip a little beat.

And it skips again now, thinking of how the internet has given me/us such a way. To sneak peak. At someone else's life, someone I'll never meet. A complete stranger. But not really.

And I crown you..... Princess Zora

Geez, I wanted to have more than 200 posts this year too. And its almost the end of May and our count is a pathetic 50. Sheesh. SHEESH.

Anyway, whats really inspiring this possible spate of blogposts is something I remembered in the middle of the day, a memory of a deeply imprinted and very beloved movie (actually movies) that we used to watch in the summer vacations many, many years ago.

The one single TV channel we had, at that time, had something called Disney Hour, at noon everyday, and for ages, as far as I remember, they screened the loveliest children's shows and movies - I clearly remember He-Man, Lauren and Hardy, Charlie Chaplin, something I remember as 'telegames', and then series of movies - The Frog Prince, Hansel and Gretel, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, The Beauty and the beast, and oh boy, some of these movies have been stuck somewhere in my head, and my mind in a vague way, all these years.

Mommy had recorded a couple of VHS cassettes and so, a few of these series were immortalized in our heads - watching them hundreds of times.

Today, I found - The Frog Prince. The whole goddamned movie is on YouTube! in 10 parts. Of course, I couldn't stop watching, and couldn't help the little hiccoughs of bliss and tears escape my throat at the appropriate parts. The songs! I sing them unconsciously sometimes! The characters and the dialogues and the tone and actions and dramatic gestures, all down to the way the Prince holds up the arm of Princess Zora when he walks her in, finally. The way she plays with her lucky golden ball, and well, oh boy, I could go on forever.

Yes, silly pieces from my childhood maybe, but excuse me now, while I call my sister and exclaim to her about what I found.

Er, how does this blogging business work?

Boy, its been a while. Can't remember the last time I had such a long break from ze blog. And I'm not sure what I'm about to say on zis post - but a few things have been taking my time and attention.

Working on the weekend - sort of turned the life a bit haywire, but in a nice way mostly - working on Saturday and Sunday is chill and lazy and slack, and then I get to take Tuesdays and Wednesdays off, which is a treat.

Moving apartments soon - moving in with some lovely friends, closer to office and far away from the noise and chaos of center Hyderabad.

Had a mini vacation last week. Gorgeous fun. Wonderful time. Trains and buses and jeeps and doggies and insects, and forests, and rivers and cameras and butterflies.

And well, something that's been on my mind for a while, and I've just not known how to say it - Anandha Ala - the wave of bliss has begun in Hyderabad. Inner Engineering programs across the city, back to back. I have a couple of links that I will share soon.

And that sums up this very tasteless blog update. Guess I need to have these fingers moving again. More often.

Global WARNING

Our gift to mother nature - global warming.