Kundalini

Came across this tiny little book called Kundalini at Crossword. It's incredible. I'm amazed I found it.. its the account of a man who in 1937, after about 20 years of meditation found that his kundalini energy was awakened, and how totally unprepared to deal with it he was and how confused, and utterly crazed by it he got.

20 years later he wrote this honest and almost scientific narrative about his experiences and understanding of kundalini and the possibility we all have of reaching an expanded consciousness. Its definitely a topic that is so mysterious, and almost seems like a secret and sacred concept, not to be taken lightly.

Am still reading it, but anyone who wants to borrow it, ping me.

A blow by blow account of the fortnight that was.

To say that my most recent trip to Mountain View was eventful is an understatement. Thrilling, disastrous, intensely nuts, and just plain flabbergasting are better words. It began at the beginning.

I get to the airport at midnight for my 4:00 am Emirates flight, and when the guard at the entrance checks my ticket he reveals to me that my flight took off the night before. I said, "Are you saying I missed my flight?" "Yes." I stared at him open-mouthed and he asked me generally where I was from. "Bombay" I said. "You're all educated and from Bombay and you can't understand your flight date?" he smirked. But I guess he felt sympathetic a second after and told me to go talk to the Emirates guys. He said there was a good chance that I might get another flight. And I did. Which was good. Disaster 1 faced and dealt with. Had to shell out 6,000 bucks and got on the flight that I expected to be on. (After a few panicking calls to friends and the excellent Emirates customer service guys.) (Not kidding, they were totally superawesome all through.)

Well, so I made it to lovely San Francisco and was greeted by my beloved and we drove happily home, attended a nice punk concert, and watched a movie (the book of Eli -- was decent) that weekend. Unaware of what madness was soon to ensue.

Wednesday we met with a car accident while driving to work. Boom, in a second the airbags were on our faces, slight smoke in the car and an horrible crunching sound before everything was still. The doors were slightly stuck but we pushed out of the car and got out in a daze. The car we had crashed into was unharmed (a big land rover), our engine was crumpled. I called 911. Waited for the cops, shivering and feeling pathetic. But grateful that no one was hurt.

Tone says he saw everything in slow motion, (like in the movies), I had no such experience. I almost don't remember how it happened, except for the shock of it. Well, anyway, we were interviewed by cops and they made little notes in their note pads and then called us a towing truck that towed us away to a car repair shop who called a rental service and we ended up with a big dodge ram truck.

Feeling shaken but with a strong urge to do something we planned on anyway, we went on with our appointments to see apartments to rent. Checked out three that day and also later when to an animal shelter to look for a puppy to adopt. And there we met pretty little December who totally won our hearts with her absolutely mad energy and enthusiasm and her tiny gracefulness. And other things. But the shelter said that we couldn't have her until we showed proof that our landlord didn't mind us having pets, and for that, we needed to find an apartment. And they wouldn't hold the puppy for us for more than 24 hours. So, a bit sad, we went home with determination to find an apartment and finish that matter off asap.

Some more house hunting later, we were down to 3 options (out of 5, ha) but still all were really good, within our budgets, close to office and we didn't know which to pick. Two were two-bedrooms and one was a single bedroom. After much discussions and nail-biting we settled on one of the two bedrooms and left to go pay the deposit amount. And then changed our mind last minute (because the broker was a bit of a jackass on the phone) and went to the 1-bedroom. And instantly knew that it was the right thing... cheaper, smaller but still enough room for all our things and a very large patio from which sunlight flows in in the mornings and a view of three very pretty redwood trees across the street. And a bedroom with a full mirror closet wall! (Which is so awesome after ages without a decent mirror, am thrilled. Anyway.)

We went to the animal shelter and found that December was still available for adoption and we 'booked' her and got an appointment to come the next day with some money and a letter from the landlord (who's an awesome dude with two dogs himself) and get our little bundle of puppylove.

So we rented a U-haul truck to move our stuff the next day and begun packing. The next morning, we found that the car we'd borrowed from Tone's mom was broken into and Tone's backpack stolen. With many precious and important possessions. Including our new Nikon d90, laptop, his passport. Unbelievable.

Another session with a cop later, we moved our stuff. It wasn't pleasant feelings in my stomach those few days, but we just had to accept and deal with what was happening. I felt superstitious.

We went back to the animal shelter for our appointment to get little December. They gave us a bunch of papers and her history and we bought her some stuff and I cuddled her tiny shivering-with-excitement body all the way back home. She's the most inquisitive thing in the world and wants to look at everything she can.

We got home and stared at her and played and tickled and got to know her. (Of course, we couldn't take our eyes off her a second that night to make sure she wasn't going to pee on our brand new home's carpets.) But she is a good little puppy and we started thinking of names to give her (even the people in the shelter said they had no idea who or why someone had called her December.) So we toyed with Betty, Betsy and random other names. Ok this post is long. But am sorry, I need to write down my version of "A Series of Unfortunate Events" (the phrase that kept repeating in my head all week).

Well, in hindsight the worst of it was over, and the minor-ish incidents that followed, as annoying as they were, don't seem so bad.

Oh wait, by the way, the thieves who broke into the car, also STOLE the keys of the rented truck. And the rental company didn't have extra keys -- so we were basically stuck with that stupid big truck for a few more days until we managed to get that sorted out.

We cooked. Ate nice Indian food. Enjoyed our new home. I was on vacation, so I was at home with the puppy while Tone went to work on the weekdays (he was just 5 mins away so would drop in for an hour midday), played with the brand new Nexus phone Tone bought (I know, I want one too). Which met with its death one morning. From overheating. While being charged. Because it got pushed under a pillow. Seriously, at that point I felt that things were getting ridiculously absurd.

Oh, we'd named her Jolie. Coz she's so pretty. And I had two dogs before called Julie. I didn't want to duplicate, but I basically did.

So that was that week. What an eventful, crazy trip.

Oh, and if you're into awesome, fun games, play Plants Vs Zombies. You've to download it, its superbrilliant. I guess it took our worries away for the few hours we'd spend playing it -- level after level of destroying zombies.

The week could have been worse, so no regrets. Well ok, just a few, but whatever. We survived.

Laboratory

Getting acquainted with room heaters, dishwashers, ovens and other kitchen apparatus.

Spiritual Diary

One day not long ago, an exuberant man from South India was traveling in the country, north of Vancouver, Canada. Seeing that his car needed gasoline, he stopped at the first station he came to, a rural one deep in the Canadian woods. He has just gotten out of his car and begun to fill his tank when he noticed an old Native American man leaning against a nearby pick-up truck and looking at him intently. The two men did not known each other, but soon the older man slowly walked toward the man pumping gas.

When he was near, he said to the man from India, "The winds told us of your coming brother," and he bowed respectfully.

____

"I was not used to hearing such glowing accounts of lasting benefits. He claimed that only after meeting Sadhguru and learning the practices that Sadhguru had taught him that he underwent a significant life transformation. I wondered if it was possible that this young man had actually found an authentic, living guru. Something seemed to be working. He definitely had an unusually pleasant and peaceful demeanor.

But my skeptical side would not be so easily persuaded. To begin with, there was way too much reverence in his description of Sadhguru to suit me, and this left me cold. There's nothing like an over abundance of devotion to rankle me. On top of that he said that Sadhguru had an organizationof more than ten thousand volunteers worldwide, which made me uncomfortable just hearing about it. I even wondered if this had the flavour of a cult."

- excerpts from Midnights with the Mystic.

Spiritual Diary

-- Isaac Newton saw an aple falling down from a tree and he propounded a whole theory on how everything falls down. Yes, it is true, an apple falls down, but he missed the whole point that the tree is growing up.

-- There are two major aspects in you -- one is the instinct of survival which is always holding you down, another is your longing to become boundless.

(excerpt from Sadhguru's talk)

Somethings are just.. inevitable. Or are they?

Art

"People want to be bowled over by something special. Nine times out of ten you can forget, but that tenth time, that peak experience, is what people want. That's what can move the world. That's art."

Murakami

A situation where the book you are reading turns out to be...

Just begun a book that had attracted me about two and a half years ago maybe.

Haruki Murakami's South of the border, West of the sun.

Have wanted to read it forever. Browsed and read a few pages many times, but somehow didn't buy it until recently, and begun reading it today.

And 5 chapters into the book and I'm gone. Swept away and lost, demolished, devastated, enchanted, terrified.

I don't think I could have read the book the same way 2 years ago. The events since then, have changed so much in my life and the book seems to bear uncanny resemblance to some of those events.

Coincidence, timing, some closure to a circle, blah blah.

O Murakami. But ya, fairly likely that I'm just going nuts.

Remorse, maybe

I wish I didnt have to walk past you and pretend you didnt exist. Or that I didnt know you. Or that I didnt want to stop you and say -- something. Maybe nothing.

I wont say 'it was meant to be this way.' Just the play of karma. And karma is alive and breathing. And eating your every thought and action. Maybe every moment of consciousness is a chance to do it right.

Eyes wide open

Something has changed.

I've spent more time alone recently than I have in a few years. Practically living alone. Passing weekends without talking / meeting anyone. Not feeling like blogging. And when I try to write anything, the sentences are short, terse.

Hardly the flowing, ornate words I used to love spilling out. Suddenly I don't feel like I want to record or share the details about my life. Not because its private or anything, but more because I feel more and more self-conscious. Why would anyone care to read about what I did or saw or thought or am thinking?

Can't remember the last time I wrote a long email either. The rare ones I do write, seem like they've been written by someone else -- almost soulless and void of any sentiment. Strange, haggard.

Anyhow, but I do feel like writing a wee bit today.

Recently went to Bali -- nice weekend, nice beaches, and lots of sculpture on the streets and everywhere. Including penis shaped bottle openers in almost every 'touristy' shop. Pretty scandalous. I bought a bamboo xylophone, about 50 awesome DVDs and a dragon kite.

Today I was in a bookshop (Landmark is easily 20 times the size and collection of any Crossword) and I saw a book called Twitterature. About 50 or so of the world's classics told in 'twitter' style. I was slightly aghast, but what can I say. Penguin had published the book. I guess we're in the age where practically anyone can be a published author.

But what cheered me instantly was when I caught glimpse of a book, which I remember reading about on the authors blog. This blog called Waiter Rant (award-winning blog) is a collection of stories from this guy's experiences as a waiter in New York. I read his post about writing a book and then when it was published I remember thinking I would buy it someday, but I certainly didn't think I would see it staring out at me from a bookshelf in Hyderabad. Nice.

Happy New Year in advance. I doubt I'll post again before Jan, though I do intent to publish a new and with renewed determination -- New Year's Resolution list.

Reviews, and news

It's December? Wow.

Jim Morrison's Birthday today. Been listening to MJ though.

It was my day off today, I worked the weekend. So booked myself a ticket to a movie -- 1) coz it sounded interesting, and 2) coz I wanted to make sure I wouldn't stay at home all day and work from home. Was very surprised that the cinema was completely full. For a 2:30 afternoon show on a Tuesday afternoon at a Chinese-war-history movie!

Recently, watched a bunch of movies, well, as many as I can in Hyderabad, not a lot of movies come here. :(

1) Ninja Assassin -- very good.

2) Twilight -- much to the chagrin of the beloved, I saw it, liked it (have to admit its pretty cheesy, but what the hell, plenty of lame shit makes its way around).

3) Aajab prem ki galab kahani -- hadn't watched a Hindi movie in so long, and I really went with the intention of seeing a silly Hindi movie to have a good laugh. Unfortunately, it didn't even manage to live up to that very low expectation.

4) Red Cliff. Very very good. In the beginning I was a bit disappointed to hear the dubbed voices -- Indian voices on Chinese faces doesn't work. Would have certainly preferred subtitles. But whatever, excellent movie.

5) Oh, and before that-- This is It! Thoroughly enjoyed it and saw it 3 times, I think, in the cinema, was fun to be in a hallful of Jackson fans, cheering and screaming.

Also been reading and have purchased a stack of books -

1) After Dark -- Haruki Murakami. Nice. Quick. Surreal, as usual. But clean and so well written.

2) Cat's Cradle -- Kurt Vonnegut. Brilliant book. Comical, spiritual, totally weird.

On the pile --

1) The Graveyard Book -- Neil Gaiman. Award winning, new book. Supposed to be a children's story, but I love the guy.

2) Revolutionary Road -- Richard Yates. Had seen the movie, was fab, read a couple of pages and it seems like a must-read. Plus, someone wrote very highly about it a while back.

3) Twilight -- Let's see.

4) Witch Child -- Celia Rees. Just picked off the shelves. Story based in 1600s about the granddaughter of a witch.

Recent updates --

Fiance was in Hyderabad for 2 weeks. We went to Pune to meet the extended family and he had to deal with my grandmother trying to convert him to Zoroastrianism, and grumbling to him about how the price of onions was unbelievably high, and we did a mini-engagement ceremony again.

In other news --

It's cold. The whole city of Hyderabad seems to be wearing cheetah-printed fluffy ear muffs.

The fiance (back in California) says he can see snow on the mountains near the Googleplex office.

Unsaid --

I seem to see Isha in everything. All the movies and books, conversations, interactions, musings, and moments of nothingness.

I dont know

why are you not blogging? why are you in office so late? why have you lost weight? when are you getting married? when is the big day? why are you not coming out? are you saving money? have you become vegetarian? when are you going to bombay? are you moving to california? why are you working on weekends? are you doing your practices? when is tony coming? no photos on IDP? why are you not blogging?

-

. Someone I know attempted suicide a few days ago. Over a job. Painful shortsightedness.

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. I'm going to California for 2 weeks in early September. Exciting, a whole new life is about to begin.

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. Halfway through Jack Kerouac's Dharma Bums. Rollercoaster ride of Buddhism and beat poetry, hitch-hiking and California and stream of consciousness rambling.

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. Feeling fevering, and touched my neck to check, and felt my pulse. The steady, rhythmic beat. The silent mechanism of life that goes on. I'm grateful to be alive.

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. Saw Public Enemies. Loved it. Playing ridiculous facebook games like Mafia Wars in a retarded way.

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. I've noticed my attitude towards cigarettes is getting more and more intolerant. It annoys me and hurts me when my friends smoke. I can't stop them, but I dont want to be around people who smoke. Seems to me like it's an act of great disrespect towards life. If suicide is such a terrible act and a crime even, so is suicide in installments.

time and space

what is this void

what is this rubberband

what is this that slips so fast

with skipping heartbeats

what is this that doesn't move

a thing. an inch. a minute.

time means nothing

so slow

and so fast

space is pointless

so close and yet so far

i give up

swallow me down

incomprehension.

Kahani Mein Twist Zaroor Aayegi

Filmy expression. Kahani mein twist. 'Twist in the tale.' A phrase that I've said to myself over and over again, with acute disbelief at the twists that have presented themselves to me over the past year. Exactly a year since my life went upside down and, well, I can't really say that I expected any of it to turn out the way it did.

A year of being sober. And aside from maybe two times that I've really felt the urge to sip wine, a whole year of loving being sober. And not missing being tipsy one bit.

I didn't ever think it would be this easy. And, funnily enough, I've enjoyed going out when my friends are drinking, it's very amusing, to say the least, to watch people get drunk and be ridiculous.

A year of Sadhguru. And Isha. Presented to me with impeccable timing, easily the most precious aspect of my life. The most meaningful, and something I hold closest to my heart. Being in his presence, has made me realise what it is possible for me to be and experience. Just the possibility is overwhelming.

A year of this immense feeling of gratitude, clarity, joy and living the moment. A feeling of knowing that whatever life throws, is my own doing, and I can make whatever I want out of it. A feeling of absolute awe about how things turn out, a way of looking over the hurdle to see beyond, a way of not being trapped in momentary pleasures and pains.

Extremely precious.

A year of deepened relationships. A year of touching lives around me in ways I've never before. A year of listening to things I wouldn't have otherwise. Of seeing things I wouldn't have noticed otherwise. A year of saying things I wouldn't have dreamed of.

A year of gifts. Of twists. And knowing that the twists will come. Unexpected. Surprizing. But knowing that they can't shake me.