Confessions of a Misfit

I think I've always been a misfit. Such a misfit that I don't even fit among the misfits. And unless you looked really carefully, you'd never think so.

I'm a ordinary looking girl, with a supposedly nice smile and a possibly naive air. Around some people I can talk and make jokes, and around some more, I can listen and laugh. But very few to whom I can talk my mind, and even fewer who actually listen.

And under all that, there's an awkwardness in me, so subtle that most don't feel it, but so strong that I can't shake it off. It's in the way I feel about myself... so deep rooted, that it's in how I walk, how I meet someone's eyes, and how I talk. Not visible enough for people to shun me or mock me. And not strong enough for others to welcome me. But it's certainly there.

There are those best friends though, who are happy and whole enough, to not care about how and what I am, but just have enough room in their hearts to love me. And those are the hearts I miss, here, in the land of lonely, floating souls.

I'm not unhappy with my misfitedness. I think it's part of who I am. But maybe I've not embraced it fully. I've held it and and worn it awkwardly, and I have a feeling that maybe its time to grow into it.

Just saying

Star Trek - The Next Generation: maybe about exploring strange new worlds and seeking out new life and civilizations, but essentially, it is about being human.

I think I haven't been blogging as much coz I haven't been drinking as much. Kinda sucks. I will try and eliminate the co-relation and just blog more. 

Pinning and Polyvoring

The last few weeks, finally having a desk job again, have led to many hours  spent online and besides the regular means of timepass I've gotten hooked to --
1) 500px
2) Pinterest
3) Polyvore
Here's a set I made playing around on Polyvore. It's pretty damn fun!

A sunny day by thegirlinthewindow featuring strap watches

Always Potter

A rusty recap of 2011

This rusty recap of 2011 has been sitting around in my drafts for days, so keeping in line with my resolutions for 2012 (that's another post) I'm going to do what I miss doing a lot--  hit PUBLISH!

In January, we flew up to Seattle to look for a place to rent -- we had decided to move there for a year or two, for career-designed progressions. Packed up our lives into a U-Haul, and drove up to Seattle with our newly adopted puppy, Lily, to be company for puppy No.1, Jolie.

In February, we settled down into a routine -- him going to work, and me, being at home, pursuing my Masters of American Sociology by watching a wide range of reality shows on TV.  It was pretty darn cold in Seattle.

March had my sweet husband buy me a new DSLR and with the hint of spring around the corner, I stepped out to capture naked trees and grey skies. Seattle Daily Picture was born.

In April, I walked around, took the bus, walked the dogs and yearned to earn some USDs while I started my long due job-hunting process. April marked one year since I'd quit Google, I felt rusty and awkward thinking about working and doing interviews again. But armed with my 50mm lens, I chased cherry blossoms.

In May the job hunting continued, and then I applied to a role that claimed to be Account Management/ Client Servicing, and I was offered a position in their "Entry Level Management Program" which I accepted. Because I'd told myself I wanted a job aka ANY JOB. This role, however, turned out to be a door-to-door sales job with the opportunity to grow into your own business in a year or two.

June - I tried to do my best at the sales job. It was hard. Never ever had I imagined that I would ever knock on doors and waving at windows while improvising a sales pitch. I took it as a challenge to, in the least, improve my communication and do something that not a lot of people would. But by the end of the month, the 70 hour weeks yielded very few USDs, and a nasty stomach ulcer that let to me having my first emergency hospitalization (my friend called 911 for me and they came, sirens and all!)

So in early July, I quit. A week later, thanks to Google aka my fairy Godmother, I had a temp job with Google. Google world again! I worked on a secret project with lots and lots of travel and made a nice bundle of USDs.

August, I traveled some more. Let's see - Idaho, Oregon, Minneapolis, Ohio. A week at each place, and 2 weeks at Minneapolis where I spent my 26th birthday working at the biggest mall in the US. And spending some of my new USDs while practicing my newly acquired How To Be A First World Consumerist Asshole skills. So yea, I shopped. Everyday. For ten days. All this while, photography was sidetracked.

In September, I travelled even more. It was hectic, spent barely 2 days home each week, and I missed my husband and the pups a lot. Saved money. Worked 80 hour weeks. Lived out of a carry-on suitcase. Ohio again, New Jersey, Oklahoma, and, hold your breath, ALASKA! Definitely one of the highlights of my year. Majestic majesticology.

October came and after a trip to North Carolina, the travel slowed down. Settled down into a desk job and spent time at home. Ate home-cooked (by the husband) meals and enjoyed the power of Netflix.

November and December are a haze of holiday fun and shopping. We made 3 road trips to California. We spent New Years Eve in Las Vegas with friends and family. And I peed my pants while being sick in the car. And NOT even from being  I guess am not going to forget that soon.

It was a year of learning the ropes, settling down, empowering myself. I dont feel satisfied though... I dont feel like I grew enough, did enough, pushed myself enough.. looked after myself and my happiness enough.

And I feel it in my bones that 2012 is going to be different.