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. Someone I know attempted suicide a few days ago. Over a job. Painful shortsightedness.

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. I'm going to California for 2 weeks in early September. Exciting, a whole new life is about to begin.

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. Halfway through Jack Kerouac's Dharma Bums. Rollercoaster ride of Buddhism and beat poetry, hitch-hiking and California and stream of consciousness rambling.

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. Feeling fevering, and touched my neck to check, and felt my pulse. The steady, rhythmic beat. The silent mechanism of life that goes on. I'm grateful to be alive.

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. Saw Public Enemies. Loved it. Playing ridiculous facebook games like Mafia Wars in a retarded way.

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. I've noticed my attitude towards cigarettes is getting more and more intolerant. It annoys me and hurts me when my friends smoke. I can't stop them, but I dont want to be around people who smoke. Seems to me like it's an act of great disrespect towards life. If suicide is such a terrible act and a crime even, so is suicide in installments.

time and space

what is this void

what is this rubberband

what is this that slips so fast

with skipping heartbeats

what is this that doesn't move

a thing. an inch. a minute.

time means nothing

so slow

and so fast

space is pointless

so close and yet so far

i give up

swallow me down

incomprehension.

Kahani Mein Twist Zaroor Aayegi

Filmy expression. Kahani mein twist. 'Twist in the tale.' A phrase that I've said to myself over and over again, with acute disbelief at the twists that have presented themselves to me over the past year. Exactly a year since my life went upside down and, well, I can't really say that I expected any of it to turn out the way it did.

A year of being sober. And aside from maybe two times that I've really felt the urge to sip wine, a whole year of loving being sober. And not missing being tipsy one bit.

I didn't ever think it would be this easy. And, funnily enough, I've enjoyed going out when my friends are drinking, it's very amusing, to say the least, to watch people get drunk and be ridiculous.

A year of Sadhguru. And Isha. Presented to me with impeccable timing, easily the most precious aspect of my life. The most meaningful, and something I hold closest to my heart. Being in his presence, has made me realise what it is possible for me to be and experience. Just the possibility is overwhelming.

A year of this immense feeling of gratitude, clarity, joy and living the moment. A feeling of knowing that whatever life throws, is my own doing, and I can make whatever I want out of it. A feeling of absolute awe about how things turn out, a way of looking over the hurdle to see beyond, a way of not being trapped in momentary pleasures and pains.

Extremely precious.

A year of deepened relationships. A year of touching lives around me in ways I've never before. A year of listening to things I wouldn't have otherwise. Of seeing things I wouldn't have noticed otherwise. A year of saying things I wouldn't have dreamed of.

A year of gifts. Of twists. And knowing that the twists will come. Unexpected. Surprizing. But knowing that they can't shake me.