Had a good, long morning meditation session today. Here are some notes - which are mostly ideas and principles that you've heard from your grandmother, read in your fables and story books, heard during preachy sermons, during 'morals' class in school, and may sound weird to you, but I'm going to share them anyway.
Much of the misery we suffer, is due to our cravings and desires - the vicious trap of always wanting more. And many of these desires are controlled by our ego. Defeating your ego, is a really hard battle. The ego is a subtle enemy.
Stop caring about how other perceive you. Do good to everyone, and your actions will bring you love and admiration of others. But don't let that be the goal.
Live your life with love and goodness to everyone, with forgiveness, selflessness and honesty.
Greed, dishonesty, ego, anger, and selfishness are traps of misery. Once you're free from them, true peace and contentment will come.
Don't get hurt by jealousies and other hurtful judgments of others. Treat them with respect- the true test of defeating the ego is to be able to wish well even to those who've wished you ill.
Be grateful for what you have, just be careful of not craving for too much more.
Get rid of unhealthy habits.
Things done in haste and hurry are mostly not the natural progression of how things should be.
Waking early and sleeping early leaves you with much positive energy and a sense of accomplishment - a simple matter of making the best of your time.
Let each day have some productive goal. And as for your long term goals and ambitions, if they are directed by principles of goodness and honesty, success will come, with peace of mind.
Don't shirk from your responsibilities. The lazy man is forsaken by everyone.
Use your creativity and will power to accomplish your goals.
----
If you really think these principles make sense, try and incorporate them in your life. Start by becoming aware of the times when the negatives come into action. It's a slow and laborious process, if you've not been even aware of these until now.
To quote from the fabulous book I've been reading -
"If you plant a seed and dig it up daily to see if it is growing, it will never take root. Take proper care of it, but don't be continually curious."
The changes in you wont be immediate - but over time, they will prove to have been worth the effort.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Reformation Diaries - Progress Report
I'm being tested continually. Nonstop. Here's a list of the goals I've made for myself:
1. To meditate and pray daily.
2. Eat, sleep well and have some sort of physical exercise.
3. While at work, focus on work - and be really productive.
4. Be aware of and control all unhealthy desires / urges.
5. Consciously be aware and control instances of anger, selfishness, ego, greed, dishonesty.
Sound simple enough right? Wrong.
Progress so far:
1. Meditation and prayers - I wake up earlier that before, and I manage to get about 10 minutes to sit and pray. Still very difficult to have a clear mind, without a hundred thoughts being in at the same time. Seems like I will have to spend longer, because I don't seem to be making progress with the calming of the mind part.
I also need to meditate before sleeping - but am exhausted everyday, and I just say my prayers and lie down and try to clear my mind.
2. Eat well, sleep well - I've never been a foodie, and don't really care about food. But making an effort to eat healthy and eat at the right time. Been ok sometimes, when I'm busy and occupied, but when I'm worried and unhappy, it's still hard to eat.
Am sleeping early and almost look forward to that time when I don't have to think.
Haven't been able to gym yet - have been a bit weak, and work has been rough.
3. Focus on work - It's a relief to be superbusy. But is exhausting.
4. Unhealthy urges - I haven't felt like drinking at all. My idle mind though, is terrifically depressing and its a constant battle to stay positive.
5. Anger, ego, selfishness, etc: Doing fine with these. It's nice to make an effort to be nice to everyone (including rickshaw drivers).
Dishonesty - It's the bitterest wound. But the disability is removed.
Other noticed changes: This happened without planning - but I've lost my tongue for bad language. It's nice. Cursing is slowly vanishing. Still slips in at times, but it seems offensive suddenly.
I hope there's more progress next week.
1. To meditate and pray daily.
2. Eat, sleep well and have some sort of physical exercise.
3. While at work, focus on work - and be really productive.
4. Be aware of and control all unhealthy desires / urges.
5. Consciously be aware and control instances of anger, selfishness, ego, greed, dishonesty.
Sound simple enough right? Wrong.
Progress so far:
1. Meditation and prayers - I wake up earlier that before, and I manage to get about 10 minutes to sit and pray. Still very difficult to have a clear mind, without a hundred thoughts being in at the same time. Seems like I will have to spend longer, because I don't seem to be making progress with the calming of the mind part.
I also need to meditate before sleeping - but am exhausted everyday, and I just say my prayers and lie down and try to clear my mind.
2. Eat well, sleep well - I've never been a foodie, and don't really care about food. But making an effort to eat healthy and eat at the right time. Been ok sometimes, when I'm busy and occupied, but when I'm worried and unhappy, it's still hard to eat.
Am sleeping early and almost look forward to that time when I don't have to think.
Haven't been able to gym yet - have been a bit weak, and work has been rough.
3. Focus on work - It's a relief to be superbusy. But is exhausting.
4. Unhealthy urges - I haven't felt like drinking at all. My idle mind though, is terrifically depressing and its a constant battle to stay positive.
5. Anger, ego, selfishness, etc: Doing fine with these. It's nice to make an effort to be nice to everyone (including rickshaw drivers).
Dishonesty - It's the bitterest wound. But the disability is removed.
Other noticed changes: This happened without planning - but I've lost my tongue for bad language. It's nice. Cursing is slowly vanishing. Still slips in at times, but it seems offensive suddenly.
I hope there's more progress next week.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Discovering God
The title of this post - is so strange. Reminds me of countless essays/self-help books that I resented and couldn't bear to acknowledge. Strange. Everyday brings a new paradox and a new lesson for me.
But my post is not about self-help or spiritual sermons. It's a story. Such a subtle story, that I'm not even sure it qualifies to be a story. There isn't an ending, yet.
Anyway, I'm still keen to drive home the point of how unexpected this whole discovery of God is to me. Imagine, a 23 year old girl, known to be rebellious, impulsive, whose religions were Harry Potter and Jim Morrison, whose time was occupied at beer clubs, who'd never really had faith in her religion and over time had been convinced that God was just man's need to have faith in something. Yes, that's a fair description of me.
So yes, imagine that girl. Pretty regular in today's world, nothing uncommon. I knew more people like me - regular city folk, leading packed, fun, busy lives. At least, I thought that most people were like that.
But, there's more people who believe in God. In Jesus, and Krishna, and Allah, and Zarathustra, and others in saints like Sai Baba. After my own sudden desire to know more about God, I've seen signs of devotion to God everywhere. Every rickshaw that I see with a sticker of God, or every shop that I see has a small shrine, every restaurant, names of shops, names of buildings, names of schools, names of businesses that have a religious word, fills me with wonder.... How ancient is India's faith in God, and how intense?
But anyway, how can you learn lessons if you know everything?
My outlook to everything religious was fairly conceited. People who went to church I thought as 'goody two shoes' and I was always amused at many friends habits of saying 'God bless' or other references to God in regular life. Now, when I think back, its wonderful to see so much faith in God in so many people around me... Especially people my age... I thought of them as people who were old-school and innocent. Now I know they're much stronger than me.
Anyway, I am grateful to have found my faith in this unexpected way. I didn't grow with it. It didn't automatically pass on to me from my convent schooling or my parents prayers. It came somehow. There's still more to this story... but I think that will have to wait.
But my post is not about self-help or spiritual sermons. It's a story. Such a subtle story, that I'm not even sure it qualifies to be a story. There isn't an ending, yet.
Anyway, I'm still keen to drive home the point of how unexpected this whole discovery of God is to me. Imagine, a 23 year old girl, known to be rebellious, impulsive, whose religions were Harry Potter and Jim Morrison, whose time was occupied at beer clubs, who'd never really had faith in her religion and over time had been convinced that God was just man's need to have faith in something. Yes, that's a fair description of me.
So yes, imagine that girl. Pretty regular in today's world, nothing uncommon. I knew more people like me - regular city folk, leading packed, fun, busy lives. At least, I thought that most people were like that.
But, there's more people who believe in God. In Jesus, and Krishna, and Allah, and Zarathustra, and others in saints like Sai Baba. After my own sudden desire to know more about God, I've seen signs of devotion to God everywhere. Every rickshaw that I see with a sticker of God, or every shop that I see has a small shrine, every restaurant, names of shops, names of buildings, names of schools, names of businesses that have a religious word, fills me with wonder.... How ancient is India's faith in God, and how intense?
But anyway, how can you learn lessons if you know everything?
My outlook to everything religious was fairly conceited. People who went to church I thought as 'goody two shoes' and I was always amused at many friends habits of saying 'God bless' or other references to God in regular life. Now, when I think back, its wonderful to see so much faith in God in so many people around me... Especially people my age... I thought of them as people who were old-school and innocent. Now I know they're much stronger than me.
Anyway, I am grateful to have found my faith in this unexpected way. I didn't grow with it. It didn't automatically pass on to me from my convent schooling or my parents prayers. It came somehow. There's still more to this story... but I think that will have to wait.
Monday, August 25, 2008
On the road to somewhere good
I don't even know where to begin. The past couple of weeks, actually months, have been so monumentally dramatic - and today, my life stands 180 degrees from where it was just 15 days ago.
The next few blog posts are going to be pouring out all the thoughts and situations and lessons of life that have confronted me recently.
Going slightly off track, when people over the part couple of years have asked me about why I've not even started the possibly long journey of being a film maker, I would usually reply, 'Oh, am not ready. I've not seen anything in life as yet.' That is definitely changing. I could do with a short break from life's turbulent display of what its potential is.
15 days ago, life struck me a hard blow. I wanted to die. Other people wanted me to die. I didn't think I could ever have a friend again, or look anyone in the eye. I was called names I never imagined I would be called. I had lied. And sinned.
Horrid. Impossible. I've always been an emotional person, and this just broke me. I just knew something drastic would have to be done... I wanted to...
Anyway, to cut a long story short, life struck hard. And as it goes, there's only two things you can do. Either you learn a lesson and try and fix things. Or you give up, and let madness, self pity and depression fill you will endless negatives.
Fortunately, I took a flight home, to my parents, confessed my heart out, and surrendered to them. Bit by bit, they drew me a picture, from their love and wisdom, of how life goes, and how it is time for me to set things correct.
Today I can see how bad my condition really was. It struck me that I've been living without rules all these 23 years. No rules. No faith in anything. No ambition. Just a carefree, careless attitude - slowly turning into a selfish and unproductive attitude. 23 years of jumping without thinking.
It had to end sometime. And it has. So many things are changing, that its still overwhelming. It's hard.
Anyway, there's a lot more that I want to share about this strange journey. Over time, I have a lot to write. But to reveal the key changes -
1. I have found a simple and complete belief in God. I will explain.
2. I have given up alcohol. Something I never imagined I would ever want to.
3. I'm spiritually reformed, and setting a disciplined life with simple mottos - goodness, honesty, and love to everyone.
It seems drastic and utterly unbelievable for anyone who knew me. But such is life.
The next few blog posts are going to be pouring out all the thoughts and situations and lessons of life that have confronted me recently.
Going slightly off track, when people over the part couple of years have asked me about why I've not even started the possibly long journey of being a film maker, I would usually reply, 'Oh, am not ready. I've not seen anything in life as yet.' That is definitely changing. I could do with a short break from life's turbulent display of what its potential is.
15 days ago, life struck me a hard blow. I wanted to die. Other people wanted me to die. I didn't think I could ever have a friend again, or look anyone in the eye. I was called names I never imagined I would be called. I had lied. And sinned.
Horrid. Impossible. I've always been an emotional person, and this just broke me. I just knew something drastic would have to be done... I wanted to...
Anyway, to cut a long story short, life struck hard. And as it goes, there's only two things you can do. Either you learn a lesson and try and fix things. Or you give up, and let madness, self pity and depression fill you will endless negatives.
Fortunately, I took a flight home, to my parents, confessed my heart out, and surrendered to them. Bit by bit, they drew me a picture, from their love and wisdom, of how life goes, and how it is time for me to set things correct.
Today I can see how bad my condition really was. It struck me that I've been living without rules all these 23 years. No rules. No faith in anything. No ambition. Just a carefree, careless attitude - slowly turning into a selfish and unproductive attitude. 23 years of jumping without thinking.
It had to end sometime. And it has. So many things are changing, that its still overwhelming. It's hard.
Anyway, there's a lot more that I want to share about this strange journey. Over time, I have a lot to write. But to reveal the key changes -
1. I have found a simple and complete belief in God. I will explain.
2. I have given up alcohol. Something I never imagined I would ever want to.
3. I'm spiritually reformed, and setting a disciplined life with simple mottos - goodness, honesty, and love to everyone.
It seems drastic and utterly unbelievable for anyone who knew me. But such is life.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
When Books = Movies
Today, a friend told me that while he enjoyed reading the first Harry Potter book , he wasn't keen to read the next because he'd already seen the movie. And that he knew exactly what would happen next.
And this just broke my heart, because it suddenly made me think of all the children who for the same reason may miss out on the joy of reading a book.
Just using Potter as an example, I've read the books a dozen times each, but I can still read them over and over again, not to find out what happens next, but to relish the style, and characters and the imagination that the books are so rich in.
Just like you'd watch your favourite movie again and again. To see what you missed out last time, and to hear what you didn't a time before.
Just like you listen to that one song, over and over again - until every note is memorized, but you still can't get enough.
And thinking from the perspective of a wishing-to-be filmmaker, I've often imagined making movies about my favourite books. Or even while reading a story, imagining how I'd make it into a movie.
But it is such a burden on the filmmaker. Any injustice to the book at all - and it's such a personal tragedy. I would hate myself if I ruined a book's power by making a terrible movie of it.
The second thought is that - movies based on books are tragic even if they are good movies - simply because they bias and duplicate and influence a reader who reads the book after seeing the movie. I read the Lord of the Rings after seeing the first movie. And obviously, when I read about Frodo, it was the actor I saw, and so on. Which was tragic... coz when I try really hard, the book would have had a different landscape in my head and different faces to the characters. (Lucky the movies were so excellent - imagine if we'd been stuck with a clumsy Legolas or a dull Gandalf to deal with in our heads the whole 1140 pages. Disaster.)
Anyway, the last point, in favour of the movies is that - yea, people who aren't likely to read a book ever, atleast get their dose of a great story. I'm sure lots of movies I've watched and enjoyed, and have been based on books, I wouldn't have ever really read.
So there, nice full circle to come back to. And to actually finish the circle -
THE HARRY POTTER MOVIES DON'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO THE BOOKS, DAMN IT.
And this just broke my heart, because it suddenly made me think of all the children who for the same reason may miss out on the joy of reading a book.
Just using Potter as an example, I've read the books a dozen times each, but I can still read them over and over again, not to find out what happens next, but to relish the style, and characters and the imagination that the books are so rich in.
Just like you'd watch your favourite movie again and again. To see what you missed out last time, and to hear what you didn't a time before.
Just like you listen to that one song, over and over again - until every note is memorized, but you still can't get enough.
And thinking from the perspective of a wishing-to-be filmmaker, I've often imagined making movies about my favourite books. Or even while reading a story, imagining how I'd make it into a movie.
But it is such a burden on the filmmaker. Any injustice to the book at all - and it's such a personal tragedy. I would hate myself if I ruined a book's power by making a terrible movie of it.
The second thought is that - movies based on books are tragic even if they are good movies - simply because they bias and duplicate and influence a reader who reads the book after seeing the movie. I read the Lord of the Rings after seeing the first movie. And obviously, when I read about Frodo, it was the actor I saw, and so on. Which was tragic... coz when I try really hard, the book would have had a different landscape in my head and different faces to the characters. (Lucky the movies were so excellent - imagine if we'd been stuck with a clumsy Legolas or a dull Gandalf to deal with in our heads the whole 1140 pages. Disaster.)
Anyway, the last point, in favour of the movies is that - yea, people who aren't likely to read a book ever, atleast get their dose of a great story. I'm sure lots of movies I've watched and enjoyed, and have been based on books, I wouldn't have ever really read.
So there, nice full circle to come back to. And to actually finish the circle -
THE HARRY POTTER MOVIES DON'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO THE BOOKS, DAMN IT.
Monday, August 04, 2008
Lessons learnt
Suddenly even 2 minutes with someone is a lot more precious and meaningful than ever before.
Today, I messaged 8 people I hadn't spoken to for ages and told them I loved them.
Simply because our time is running out.
Today, I messaged 8 people I hadn't spoken to for ages and told them I loved them.
Simply because our time is running out.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Silence
Sometimes silence is awkward. Sometimes it is precious.
Sometimes silence is noise.
Sometimes it's conversation.
Sometimes silence is noise.
Sometimes it's conversation.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
We're waiting for our friends
Disasters everyday. Bombs, terrorist attacks, accidents. It's become so common that it stopped being shocking and upsetting each time.
Until it attacks you and tears away two people from your life. When the news is about someone you know - when the train that caught fire had two people you saw just the day before, and busily waved a greeting to.
When they go missing - and it's their surroundings' remains and their ashes you see on the front page of a news paper, that's when tragedy holds you by the stomach and shakes you.
When you can still hear their laughter in your head, and see their glowing smiles, and when you have to go past their desks and know that they're not here now.
That's what I learnt two days ago. That fate has a ugly way of showing its evil self - unexpectedly. And unfairly.
The pain I feel and see in the eyes of the family and best friends and everyone who knew them, is multiplied each time someone asks about news or expresses their shock at the incident. And pain is all that is left right now - along with disbelief, and hundreds of questions, and hundreds of hopeful possibilities.
Today, two days since the incident, our friends are still missing. We've done everything we could to find a scrap of news or hope - but there are no answers. Only questions. And a refusal to believe that they're gone.
We're waiting for them to show up. Like they vanished into the smoke, they will come back when we're not looking.
Hari and Roshni, hurry back home.
Until it attacks you and tears away two people from your life. When the news is about someone you know - when the train that caught fire had two people you saw just the day before, and busily waved a greeting to.
When they go missing - and it's their surroundings' remains and their ashes you see on the front page of a news paper, that's when tragedy holds you by the stomach and shakes you.
When you can still hear their laughter in your head, and see their glowing smiles, and when you have to go past their desks and know that they're not here now.
That's what I learnt two days ago. That fate has a ugly way of showing its evil self - unexpectedly. And unfairly.
The pain I feel and see in the eyes of the family and best friends and everyone who knew them, is multiplied each time someone asks about news or expresses their shock at the incident. And pain is all that is left right now - along with disbelief, and hundreds of questions, and hundreds of hopeful possibilities.
Today, two days since the incident, our friends are still missing. We've done everything we could to find a scrap of news or hope - but there are no answers. Only questions. And a refusal to believe that they're gone.
We're waiting for them to show up. Like they vanished into the smoke, they will come back when we're not looking.
Hari and Roshni, hurry back home.
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