Excerpt - the unknown

What do I mean when I say "everyone seeks samadhi?" Not just through yoga, the slow, sure, safe and proven method. People seek samadhi through drugs, alcohol, the danger of extreme sports, the romanticism of music, the beauty of nature, and the passion of sexuality. There are a thousand ways, and they all involve the transcendence of the suffering ego in a blissful fusion with an entity much greater than ourselves. When we shed a tear for the two lovers united at the end of a film, or for a character reformed and redeemed, we are expressing our own longing to flee the confines of self, to unite with the greater, to discover through loss of the known, the endless, gorgeous horizon of the unknown.

Light on Life -- B.K.S Iyengar

Once again...

No words, no sense flows out of the broken mind.
Conflicting emotions, a roller coaster of turbulence.
A moment of joy, a moment of pain, a moment of real insane.

To pin it together, to pull it together, to rise above
Over the moon and way beyond.
To find once again, where I belong.

I need some bollywood.

"The elephant's trunk is six feet long and one foot thick and contains sixty thousand muscles. Elephants can use their trunks to uproot trees, stack timber, or carefully place huge logs in position when recruited to build bridges. An elephant can curl its trunk around a pencil and draw characters on a letter size paper. With the two muscular extensions at the tip, it can remove a thorn, pick up a pin or a dime, uncork a bottle, slide the bolt off a cage door and hide it on a ledge, or grip a cup so firmly without breaking it, that only another elephant can pull it away. The tip is sensitive enough for a blindfolded elephant to ascertain the shape and texture of objects. In the wild, elephants use their trunks to pull up clumps of grass and tap them against their knees to knock off the dirt, to shake coconuts out of palm trees, and to powder their bodies with dust. They use their trunks to probe the ground as they walk, avoiding pit traps, and to dig wells and siphon water from them. Elephants can walk underwater on the beds of deep rivers or swim like submarines for miles, using their trunks as snorkels. They communicate through their trunks by trumpeting, humming, roaring, piping, purring, rumbling and making a crumpling-metal sound by rapping the trunk against the ground. The trunk is lined with chemo-receptors that allow the elephant to smell a python hidden in the grass or food a mile away. Elephants are the only living animals that possess this extraordinary organ."

via  The Art of Looking Sideway

Confessions of a Misfit

I think I've always been a misfit. Such a misfit that I don't even fit among the misfits. And unless you looked really carefully, you'd never think so.

I'm a ordinary looking girl, with a supposedly nice smile and a possibly naive air. Around some people I can talk and make jokes, and around some more, I can listen and laugh. But very few to whom I can talk my mind, and even fewer who actually listen.

And under all that, there's an awkwardness in me, so subtle that most don't feel it, but so strong that I can't shake it off. It's in the way I feel about myself... so deep rooted, that it's in how I walk, how I meet someone's eyes, and how I talk. Not visible enough for people to shun me or mock me. And not strong enough for others to welcome me. But it's certainly there.

There are those best friends though, who are happy and whole enough, to not care about how and what I am, but just have enough room in their hearts to love me. And those are the hearts I miss, here, in the land of lonely, floating souls.

I'm not unhappy with my misfitedness. I think it's part of who I am. But maybe I've not embraced it fully. I've held it and and worn it awkwardly, and I have a feeling that maybe its time to grow into it.

Just saying

Star Trek - The Next Generation: maybe about exploring strange new worlds and seeking out new life and civilizations, but essentially, it is about being human.

I think I haven't been blogging as much coz I haven't been drinking as much. Kinda sucks. I will try and eliminate the co-relation and just blog more. 

Pinning and Polyvoring

The last few weeks, finally having a desk job again, have led to many hours  spent online and besides the regular means of timepass I've gotten hooked to --
1) 500px
2) Pinterest
3) Polyvore
Here's a set I made playing around on Polyvore. It's pretty damn fun!

A sunny day by thegirlinthewindow featuring strap watches

Always Potter

A rusty recap of 2011

This rusty recap of 2011 has been sitting around in my drafts for days, so keeping in line with my resolutions for 2012 (that's another post) I'm going to do what I miss doing a lot--  hit PUBLISH!

In January, we flew up to Seattle to look for a place to rent -- we had decided to move there for a year or two, for career-designed progressions. Packed up our lives into a U-Haul, and drove up to Seattle with our newly adopted puppy, Lily, to be company for puppy No.1, Jolie.

In February, we settled down into a routine -- him going to work, and me, being at home, pursuing my Masters of American Sociology by watching a wide range of reality shows on TV.  It was pretty darn cold in Seattle.

March had my sweet husband buy me a new DSLR and with the hint of spring around the corner, I stepped out to capture naked trees and grey skies. Seattle Daily Picture was born.

In April, I walked around, took the bus, walked the dogs and yearned to earn some USDs while I started my long due job-hunting process. April marked one year since I'd quit Google, I felt rusty and awkward thinking about working and doing interviews again. But armed with my 50mm lens, I chased cherry blossoms.

In May the job hunting continued, and then I applied to a role that claimed to be Account Management/ Client Servicing, and I was offered a position in their "Entry Level Management Program" which I accepted. Because I'd told myself I wanted a job aka ANY JOB. This role, however, turned out to be a door-to-door sales job with the opportunity to grow into your own business in a year or two.

June - I tried to do my best at the sales job. It was hard. Never ever had I imagined that I would ever knock on doors and waving at windows while improvising a sales pitch. I took it as a challenge to, in the least, improve my communication and do something that not a lot of people would. But by the end of the month, the 70 hour weeks yielded very few USDs, and a nasty stomach ulcer that let to me having my first emergency hospitalization (my friend called 911 for me and they came, sirens and all!)

So in early July, I quit. A week later, thanks to Google aka my fairy Godmother, I had a temp job with Google. Google world again! I worked on a secret project with lots and lots of travel and made a nice bundle of USDs.

August, I traveled some more. Let's see - Idaho, Oregon, Minneapolis, Ohio. A week at each place, and 2 weeks at Minneapolis where I spent my 26th birthday working at the biggest mall in the US. And spending some of my new USDs while practicing my newly acquired How To Be A First World Consumerist Asshole skills. So yea, I shopped. Everyday. For ten days. All this while, photography was sidetracked.

In September, I travelled even more. It was hectic, spent barely 2 days home each week, and I missed my husband and the pups a lot. Saved money. Worked 80 hour weeks. Lived out of a carry-on suitcase. Ohio again, New Jersey, Oklahoma, and, hold your breath, ALASKA! Definitely one of the highlights of my year. Majestic majesticology.

October came and after a trip to North Carolina, the travel slowed down. Settled down into a desk job and spent time at home. Ate home-cooked (by the husband) meals and enjoyed the power of Netflix.

November and December are a haze of holiday fun and shopping. We made 3 road trips to California. We spent New Years Eve in Las Vegas with friends and family. And I peed my pants while being sick in the car. And NOT even from being  I guess am not going to forget that soon.

It was a year of learning the ropes, settling down, empowering myself. I dont feel satisfied though... I dont feel like I grew enough, did enough, pushed myself enough.. looked after myself and my happiness enough.

And I feel it in my bones that 2012 is going to be different.

I love Captain Picard. Oh, and Data.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Captain's log, stardate 41263.2 - This will be a rather unusual log entry, assuming Starfleet ever receives it. As I already informed my crew, a phenomenal surge of power during a warp speed experiment has sent our starship hurtling out of our own galaxy and past another, taking us over 2,700,000 light years - in a few minutes. 
Lieutenant Geordi La Forge: Message on this has already been transmitted to Starfleet, sir. 
Lt. Commander Data: Which, traveling subspace, they should receive in 51 years, ten months, nine weeks, 16 days... 
Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Mr. Data. 

From-

"Star Trek: The Next Generation: Where No One Has Gone Before (#1.5)" (1987)

Obsession Update: 1

When I was talking about how much I missed India Daily Photo, my husband asked why I wasn't doing a Seattle Daily, and I had to hit my self on the head. Why hadn't I thought of that? Seattle Daily Photo, both the domain and the blogspot URL were already bagged, and so I settled for seattledailypicture.blogspot.com

It's no fancy website, but it's where I'm going to post photos while I practice stuff I'm reading about. Yes, plenty of photo books scattered around, so here's the link again, enjoy the photos, leave a comment, and excuse me while I go obsess some more :)

It's time to obsess

I had an 'a-ha' moment recently (although it should have honestly happened years ago, and in fact was a bit of regular feedback from my manager at work), that I truly, really, easily get distracted from what my focus should be on. And while right now I'm still sitting at home, without a job, one would say I don't really have a lot to focus on; not ferociously, anyway.

But there I was, trying to get a bunch of documents together to have my new name and address updated on my passport, and I go out to the living room to find a pen. And I sit down watch TV for two hours. That's when the a-ha moment happened. There was proof all around me.

Dishes washed yesterday, but still in the dishwasher.
Laundry done on the weekend, but still in the dryer.
Documents nearly ready for weeks, just need a signature.

And really, it's ridiculous. I have all the time in the world, but I don't get anything done. So I've decided to obsess.

And obsessing over something when you need to, is good. I'm sure you'll agree. And it's not like I haven't obsessed before. With a whole bunch of things ranging from Harry Potter of course, to my Film Club in college, and my friends' band when I was their self-proclaimed manager, and India Daily Photo when it was still flourishing :(. But it's been a while now.

What have I been obsessed with recently since I came to the US? Very lame stuff I must confess. A lot of TV. Real Housewives of Orange County? Yes. NOOO! But yes. My puppies. And a lot of facebook.

So here's my pledge. To obsess over my photography. Because I really want to. Like really, really. Am not fully sure why. But am going to give it my best shot. After all, life has turned out to be straight out of a dramatic movie, and so I should be able to make it happen, right?

Wish me luck. 

Random notes from the week

Have to admit it, the food at the Google Mountain View campus is really, really good.
I miss getting emails from Eric Schmidt, especially when there's major things going on. (read this)
The word 'silver' is so damn pretty.
My capacity to consume alcohol is fairly diminished.
Wine-high makes me think of things like, "what if all the oxygen molecules in my body went on a strike."
I met an amazing girl this weekend, and have a crush on her.

The dilemma

I've moved home plenty of times. If I count correctly, I moved 5 houses in my 4 years in Hyderabad. Usually not a super-grand affair -- I never bought any furniture, or major appliances, and in fact, made a couple of my inter-Hyderabad moves in a few trips in rickshaws. Not complicated. I've always liked that fact, and wanted to adhere to the policy of not owning too much. Keep life clutter-free is a good motto. Right?

But, the darker side of me has always had a bit of a hoarder in it. It's in the blood, I would say. My grandmother owns a big house in Pune and it's literally full of things she's 'saved' for half a century. So while I'm often tempted to 'save' things for the distant future when that mundane object will play an irreplaceable part in my life, I have to do a quick reboot in the head. 

Because, after all, honestly, what are the chances that you're really going to EVER . Especially once it is dusty and musty and covered in cobwebs, after taking up a load of space not mansion-sized homes we live in.

So, anyway, back to the point at hand. I'm now on the brink of another repack. This time moving 838 miles to Seattle, Washington. This kind of distance basically eliminates the convenience of spreading the move across multiple trips or even multiple days. Everything has to fit in whatever truck we rent. Everything has to fit in these scores of cardboard boxes that are leering at me right now, blocking my light too, damn it.

I've been walking around the house the past couple of hours looking at the pretty ferocious volume of objects my husband and I have accumulated. Doesn't help the situation when the husband also has a bit of the-dark-side-with-the-hoarder part in him. Its in his blood too, I do say.

So, yes am talking about crates of books, 5 more of all kinds of video games (you name it), dvds, half a dozen guitars, half a dozen amps, bulky speakers and not to forget, a dog with a classic collection of half-eaten toys. Not even mentioning the stuff that's in the kitchen and bedroom. 

This reboot button usually helps me get rid of things I don't want to carry around. It's abandoned me this time. I'm staring at an abysmally small heap in the things-to-get-rid-of area. I hope this being-married-and-settling-down business hasn't brought about the victory of the dark side in me.

Gulp. Back to walking around the boxes for now.