Progress Report - 02

It's been a week since I finished my first program at Isha Yoga centre, and have been practicing everyday.

People have been laughing at me openly - some amused by the change, and some mocking. But a few seeing it and getting inspired.

The practice that they taught us has many benefits - physical, mental, emotional, and energy balancing. The benefits I'm experiencing already -

1. Physically - getting more flexible, feel more in shape, therefore not lazy or sluggy. Have been waking up early, the day is a lot more productive. My every morning nose cold and sniffling has gone away. Without planning to, I've not had chicken or non-veg food since the ashram. There was a time when I couldn't go a meal without chicken, and now I'm not dependent on it anymore and am relishing fresh food a lot more.

2. Mentally - feel very calm, memory has improved, focus on work is so much better. There was a time when I couldn't sit and do something that needed focus if there was noise or other people. But now I can meditate in a room right beside a racket created by 6 enthusiastic foosball players. Without feeling bothered. I can see things a lot more clearly than before, and my mind isn't cluttered by chaos that much.

3. Emotionally - Focusing on the present - not dwelling on the past, or worrying about the future. It's easier to be happy and relaxed. I've noticed an amazing difference in how I react to people - I don't feel impatient or annoyed. Nor do I care anymore about doing things just because someone else is.

4. Energy - Inner energy is the subtle force that keeps us alive - and is so subtle that we're not even aware of it, while being lost in our pursuits of physical and mental happiness.
I learned how important this energy is and I'm slowly beginning to see the difference yoga is making.

A video from the program

Sigh

All eye-opening experiences, are in fact, miracles. Believe me.

Reformation Diaries - Progress Report

I'm being tested continually. Nonstop. Here's a list of the goals I've made for myself:

1. To meditate and pray daily.
2. Eat, sleep well and have some sort of physical exercise.
3. While at work, focus on work - and be really productive.
4. Be aware of and control all unhealthy desires / urges.
5. Consciously be aware and control instances of anger, selfishness, ego, greed, dishonesty.

Sound simple enough right? Wrong.

Progress so far:

1. Meditation and prayers - I wake up earlier that before, and I manage to get about 10 minutes to sit and pray. Still very difficult to have a clear mind, without a hundred thoughts being in at the same time. Seems like I will have to spend longer, because I don't seem to be making progress with the calming of the mind part.

I also need to meditate before sleeping - but am exhausted everyday, and I just say my prayers and lie down and try to clear my mind.

2. Eat well, sleep well - I've never been a foodie, and don't really care about food. But making an effort to eat healthy and eat at the right time. Been ok sometimes, when I'm busy and occupied, but when I'm worried and unhappy, it's still hard to eat.

Am sleeping early and almost look forward to that time when I don't have to think.

Haven't been able to gym yet - have been a bit weak, and work has been rough.

3. Focus on work - It's a relief to be superbusy. But is exhausting.

4. Unhealthy urges - I haven't felt like drinking at all. My idle mind though, is terrifically depressing and its a constant battle to stay positive.

5. Anger, ego, selfishness, etc: Doing fine with these. It's nice to make an effort to be nice to everyone (including rickshaw drivers).

Dishonesty - It's the bitterest wound. But the disability is removed.

Other noticed changes: This happened without planning - but I've lost my tongue for bad language. It's nice. Cursing is slowly vanishing. Still slips in at times, but it seems offensive suddenly.

I hope there's more progress next week.

On the road to somewhere good

I don't even know where to begin. The past couple of weeks, actually months, have been so monumentally dramatic - and today, my life stands 180 degrees from where it was just 15 days ago.

The next few blog posts are going to be pouring out all the thoughts and situations and lessons of life that have confronted me recently.

Going slightly off track, when people over the part couple of years have asked me about why I've not even started the possibly long journey of being a film maker, I would usually reply, 'Oh, am not ready. I've not seen anything in life as yet.' That is definitely changing. I could do with a short break from life's turbulent display of what its potential is.

15 days ago, life struck me a hard blow. I wanted to die. Other people wanted me to die. I didn't think I could ever have a friend again, or look anyone in the eye. I was called names I never imagined I would be called. I had lied. And sinned.

Horrid. Impossible. I've always been an emotional person, and this just broke me. I just knew something drastic would have to be done... I wanted to...

Anyway, to cut a long story short, life struck hard. And as it goes, there's only two things you can do. Either you learn a lesson and try and fix things. Or you give up, and let madness, self pity and depression fill you will endless negatives.

Fortunately, I took a flight home, to my parents, confessed my heart out, and surrendered to them. Bit by bit, they drew me a picture, from their love and wisdom, of how life goes, and how it is time for me to set things correct.

Today I can see how bad my condition really was. It struck me that I've been living without rules all these 23 years. No rules. No faith in anything. No ambition. Just a carefree, careless attitude - slowly turning into a selfish and unproductive attitude. 23 years of jumping without thinking.

It had to end sometime. And it has. So many things are changing, that its still overwhelming. It's hard.

Anyway, there's a lot more that I want to share about this strange journey. Over time, I have a lot to write. But to reveal the key changes -

1. I have found a simple and complete belief in God. I will explain.
2. I have given up alcohol. Something I never imagined I would ever want to.
3. I'm spiritually reformed, and setting a disciplined life with simple mottos - goodness, honesty, and love to everyone.

It seems drastic and utterly unbelievable for anyone who knew me. But such is life.