A year since

Going through my bog archives. Back to about a year. It's quite a revelation. I was asking so many questions -

For example:

'A faint, ill conscience, and its subsequent abuse can have ill effects such as disbelief at one's actions, and a remorseful hole in the stomach.' September 16. 2007

'I'm a slave to my whims. It's incredible. I've made mistakes, and I've said, yea, am glad this happened... I'm wiser for the experience. And then, I go and do it all over again. It is incredible.' October 15, 2007

'Why do an intoxicated person's eyes look so hungry? Why do we always want more.... of something...' October 17, 2007

That was from a time when I was carefree, and thought I was happy. I was out often, doing things impulsively, compulsively. Beer club every Tuesday. Pink Floyd, Jim Morrison all the time.

And yet, I knew there was something missing. That the happiness I was experiencing.. was so temporary and so fleeting. I came back home one night, and looked at my face... and into my eyes...

And now, a year since, I've found an answer.

Everyday, we have many choices - and we can choose to respond to either the pull of our senses, desires and habits, or to 'little voice' of wisdom that reminds us what will bring us true happiness.

Almost everything we do is for an immediate gratification. Now it's obvious to me that the more worthwhile thing to do is take small steps towards the real happiness, of a free and joyous spirit. The mind and body rebel to this at first - they can't let go of the immediate pleasure of sense gratification. But a step a day. Of just being aware.